growing up

reading all the stuff I have done, some may ask..
how do you come up with this stuff?

it's pretty simple. i look what's around me.
to be honest, i rarely read books. i also watch less tv nowadys.
it just so happens that i have a fascination of the things happening around me.

in the past, i try not to make any commitments with anything.
responsibility is not my thing.

but after three weeks living in a house.. going to school day in and day out riding a jeep
and eating sardines while your parents are living like royalty at the United States of America.. not my thing either.

i made decisions like i own the house, bought groceries and paid the bills with my own allowance.
hell, i was nearly hold-upped. but luckily, i survived that.

but going through all these, i learned to be responsible not only to myself but to the people around me.

that is why I wasn't ready for love before. maybe I was scared, maybe I was just fooling around. but I'am sure that I was a kid who still knew nothing more than household chores and playing.

with all the responsibility I hold for, more or less unitl sunday, i understood the diffrence of me as a kid and me as a man.

i'am still a kid, but i discovered that a man took responsibility of whatever happens. i was a kid before because i just run away when something bad happens. I just run away and go to my happy place.
now, i could stare the devil in its eyes and take whatever it throws at me.

i'am sorry to all the people who I ran away from. especially those who meant a lot to me.
it's part of growing up. i need mistakes to know what are the right ones.

if that one person could just understand what happened to me. if she knows how to reason.. she will surely understand. but if she doesn't, then i'am just sorry..